pidge_out | Victory Road IC Inbox

[He does not do it again. Not because Lance doesn't want to have another excuse to touch Pidge, but because he's jumping out of his skin at the clatter of the box hitting the floor, enough to step back from her and also enough to break the kiss. Reluctantly so.

His usually narrow eyes are wide too, giving Lance a terrified look amongst his own blushing once his brain catches up to current events. He kissed Pidge. He quiznaking kissed Pidge Gunderson with her big brother and now this is how he dies. Bracing himself for the slap he knows is coming, Lance begins stuttering out an apology, except none of the sounds are actual words so it's no more coherent than a freshly hatched Pokemon's babble. It's like he's suddenly forgot how to speak English and Spanish all at once.]

[ The slap doesn't seem to be coming. Not yet, at least. Pidge is too busy going through a mental reboot, but it's slower going than it should be because her entire head has turned into beet red. On some level she knows that Lance is attempting to make noises that are likely meant to be words, but that might be just because now she's staring at him with those big eyes and fire in her cheeks.

He kissed her. Lance kissed her and that's insane. Even if all of her mental processes were fully functional she'd probably still have a hard time understanding what just happened there. Perhaps the weirder part of it is that she isn't even remotely angry about it. She should be, though. Right? He just kissed her, after all. She should at the very least be saying something.

But she can't. When she finally does move it's to press a hand over her mouth - what does that even do? She has no clue - but nothing else. Her eyes are still locked with his, her feet are planted exactly where they were, hands at her sides and unsure what to do. ]

L...Lance..? [ Her voice is small, confused and shy, and straining to get around her heart that's lodged in her throat. ]

[Not yet means there's still a possibility and Lance is quickly writing his last will and testament in his head, leaving all his haircare to Shiro and Keith and his skincare to Shadowmaru and everything else is a free for all.

The staring does not help. It ratchets up Lance's anxiety tenfold and he's still babbling to fill the silence between them because that would just make things so much worse. What if Matt or Shiro, or worse, Hunk walked into the hallway right now? With Pidge so bright red that her face rivals Santa's suit and Lance just spitting out whatever sound comes to mind, it would be clear Lance fucked up in some massive manner and oh boy, that's just what his scumbag brain needs.

Does his breath stink? Is that why she's covering her mouth? Lance blinks down at her, racking his brain to see if he remembered to brush. Yes, yes he did brush and gargles some mouthwash too. No, that's definitely not the reason she's covering her mouth. Maybe she's wiping her mouth? A real possibility, once that Lance is afraid to witness.]

Y-yeah?

[Finally he's managed a word, but oh, that crack in his voice should really have all the canine Pokemon howling.]

[ Honestly if either of them have rank breath, it's gonna be her. And suddenly she's wondering if it is indeed awful, because she can't remember what she's been eating or if she brushed her teeth today- But then why would Lance have kissed her? He couldn't have meant to. It must've been an accident because they'd gotten so close while he pinned her hair back. Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

Does that make it better or worse?

Pidge opens her mouth to speak again, pulling her hand away to do so. She clears her throat once, twice, straightens herself a little bit, then tries for words again. ]

Uh. That-- What was that for..?

[ Does she even want the answer to that? What kind of answer is she even hoping to get out of him? She doesn't dare let herself think that he could've actually wanted to kiss her, or that it might mean something special. Maybe it's just because of the holiday? ]

[For what it's worth, the Garrison trio have camped out together long enough for Lance to have gotten used to Pidge's constant peanut butter tinged morning breath. And even then, it wouldn't have mattered in his heart because Lance has accepted Pidge, stinky, and sweaty, and other strange quirks and all.

In his grandest dreams, he hopes she accepts all of him too, but with the way Pidge is reacting to a simple kiss, Lance doesn't think that will be happening anytime soon. Ready to carve another notch on his bedpost of rejections, Lance sighs and comes up with something to say.]

I... don't know?

[What a dumb answer. He does know. Lance knows he's been crushing hard on her and Hunk for a while now, soaking in unrequited feelings with no inkling that either one felt the same way he did. He knows he's been imagining kissing either one of them, weighing the pros and cons of confessing, even going as far as to asking someone for advice, only to find out that someone was an AI with no romance chip so that went well.]

I mean... I wanted to. [He rubs the back of his neck for a second and then ruffles his hand, lamenting his frustration of being so stupid, stupid, stupid as to fall into the trap of kissing Pidge.] I'm sorry. I'll take whatever ass-kicking you think I deserve.

[ Pidge can't help it. She's still staring at him with wide eyes and her cheeks feel like they're burning even hotter. He wanted to??? He wanted to. There's a confused noise coming out of the back of her throat and she's stuttering a little bit, about as incoherent as Lance was just moments ago. He wanted to kiss her.

She'd be lying if she said that she hadn't enjoyed the feeling. Her lips were still tingling a little bit from the contact, and her heart was definitely still racing as if she'd just ran a marathon. And the fact that of all people it's Lance just... Makes it better.

Normally Pidge isn't attracted to people. It's not even that often that she starts crushing on someone. But after all the time Pidge has spent with Hunk and Lance over the last few years, she can't deny that she feels a lot for them. For both of them. She spends every other moment of her time around one or both of them, and she can't imagine her life any other way. It's only recently that she's thought about how genuinely attractive they are.

So Lance is attracted to her, too? ]

I... No, I, uh. [ She clears her throat again, realizing that she's been watching the way his fingers pull through her hair. It's an effort to stop herself, shaking her head. ] I-I'm not gonna kick your ass, Lance.

[As much as Lance wanted Pidge to look at him in any other way other than in annoyance, her staring unnerves him. He wants her to say something, anything. Even yelling at how he crossed a giant line and how very dare he sneak a kiss in on her under the guise of platonic gift giving would be better than her boring holes into him.

But then finally she's speaking, but it's not quite the words Lance expected to hear.]

Why not?

[Okay, so forgive him if he seems slower than usual and dumber for asking shit like that. He's in shock himself, running on autopilot ever since he called Pidge into the hallway. Lance really thought his face would be stinging red right now with a tiny handprint on his cheek. Instead he still has red cheeks, but wide surprised eyes and a speeding heart.]

Are you gonna make Matt do it? [Lance knows damn well Pidge can fight her own fights, but maybe sometimes she wants Matt to go the dirty work.]

[ That reaction gets her to blink, confused yet again. ] Wha- No, of course not!

I just-- [ She cuts herself off with a quick shake of her head. This is a lot to process, after all. Lance wants to kiss her, looks like he's expecting her to hang him for it, and she finds herself definitely not wanting to hang him for it. She's in essentially the opposite camp. ]

I- I thought I wasn't your type. Why would you wanna do that?

[Even though she denies any threat on his life, Lance still takes a step back. Then another. It's beginning to dawn on him that Pidge didn't exactly kiss him back. Maybe she's trying to let him down easy since they still have to work together as a team. Ah shit. He still went and made things awkward.

A line of confusion crosses Lance's face at her questions. Isn't it obvious why he'd want to kiss her?]

I have a type?

[If Pidge thinks his type is anything that moves, she'd be right. If she thinks his type is anybody but her, well, they're going to need to talk about her assumptions of Lance.]

[ The way he asks that just makes her chest tighten slightly. This is- This is crazy. Right? ]

Uh. Well, I thought you did? And that it was more the... [ She gestures aimlessly with her hands, not even sure how to word this fairly. ] The leggier, curvier, longer-haired type.

[ And let's be real, every other person in their team kind of falls into one category it the other. Most other people that they knew, really. Pidge is the odd one out here. Short, skinny, boyish, with her oversized wardrobe and rat nest hair. She's the last person she'd think someone like Lance would go for.

But still. She's the one he's gone and kissed. Just the thought of it makes her face flush all over again and she has to chew on the corner of her lip just to keep the tingling at bay. ]

..Why me?

[Is she serious? Has she not realized that Allura isn't the only type of girl he's hit on? Even the shorter alien girls who were just as flat and skinny as Pidge caught Lance's attention. It's just that he didn't really see Pidge like he should have been seeing her until he spent more time with her. Quality time. Time that got him to think past the surface.

And to prove Pidge's mindset wrong, Hunk definitely does not look like the leggier, curvier, longer-haired type. ]

Because...

[Lance frowns because he's talking, but it doesn't seem like she's listening. Maybe it doesn't matter. She didn't kiss him back. She's questioning his motives. She's not saying a thing about feeling the same as he does. He'll just cut his losses and run. Ignore how he thinks so much about her and Hunk. Forget about trying Hunk too.

Backing up even more now, he takes a few sidesteps in order to go around her so he can die in the privacy of his bedroom.]

Nevermind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.

Edited 2018-12-27 06:19 (UTC)

[Pidge's heart catches in her throat. No. No no no, she doesn't want Lance walking out on her, not like this, not while she's still in the middle of organizing all her thoughts.]

Wait.

[She doesn't think; she just reaches out to grab him by the wrist as he starts to move past her, hoping to stop him in his tracks. She doesn't look up just yet, keeping her gaze low so he won't be able to see that the blush on her face has yet to go away.]

Wait. I'm just-- [Super fucking flustered.] Answer me. Please answer me.

[Because it just doesn't make sense to her. She's not questioning his motives, she's trying to understand. Logic says that tall, beautiful Cuban boys like Lance do not want to kiss short, nerdy, pale girls like her. And for the record, Hunk absolutely fits the bill; the man's got curves for days, soft-looking floppy hair, and his legs are about as long as Pidge is tall.]

Don't be sorry, just... tell me.

[By sheer miracle, that small hand around his thing wrist is the only thing keeping Lance's feet ground. He was ready to bolt down the hallway in his Wailmer slippers, running away from his shameful display. His heart feels like he has been running, a marathon event, and with any luck, he'll keel over dead right here and now and avoid what the rest of the day brings.

She's not looking at him. She can't even look at him. Did he make things that awkward? That was Lance's biggest fear and here it seems to be coming true, that he embarrassed Pidge enough that the mere sight of him is something she can't stand.

Pidge's asking for an answer. He can barely breathe and he finds himself staring at the blank wall at the end of the hallway, as if the answer is written there.]

Because...

[Lance can't stop there and knows he can't. She at least deserves an answer to her curiosity, but he has so many, which one does he choose?

Because you're cute. Because I like the way your eyes glitter when you get excited over something nerdy. Because you brought me back from the brink of despair. Because I like the way you're down for any stupid shenanigans.

Because I think I love you.]

I like you.

[Close enough.]

[Honestly, Pidge is pretty amazed that she managed to catch him. She half-expected him to find some way to worm out of her hold and start full on sprinting away from her. But he's still here, and she's gripping his wrist with both hands like she's pleading with him. Because she is. She's pleading for him to stay here for even just a moment longer, to be honest with her because that's all she needs from him.

Because if Lance had only wanted to kiss her on a whim, just because it's Christmas, just because he's a hopeless romantic and was feeling lonely or something... If he wanted to kiss her just because she's here...

But then she gets her answer, and her head finally snaps back up to look at him. And there's that wide-eyed, conflicted stare again; a swirl of disbelief and hope and wonder and fear. Her heart is hammering in her ears, and her grasp on him loosens, hands lowering until it's just the tips of her fingers curled lightly around the tips of his. It's a much lighter hold, but it's a hold all the same.

I like you. Does he mean that?

The heat in her cheeks only seems to get stronger. This is.. This is...

Too much. It's a little overwhelming. And when her brain is already rattling and buzzing as much as it is on a regular basis, adding in feelings, ones that are still so new and raw to her conscious mind, is just--]

I-- I think I need a minute. [She doesn't look away, at least. She gives his fingers a tiny squeeze, because she doesn't want him to think he's done something wrong.] Can I- I just... need to process.

[There's no explaining the indecision Lance goes through when trying to decide which one of Pidge's reactions stings the most. Is it her head popping up to stare at him again as if the idea of him wanting her to feel the same is that shocking or is it the way she lets go of his arm, a possible sign of disappointment that there are feelings she can't (or would rather not) return, or worse, that maybe Lance let his loneliness get the better of him and was running on hormones and one too many novellas and he thought maybe Pidge and he could make something great?

He keeps his eyes trained on the wall, tears pricking the corner of his eyes and it's a hard battle to not let them roll over his cheeks. It would be stupid to cry, crying over a girl rejecting him, even if she let him down easy. Getting rejected has been a theme in Lance's life, but this time it feels different. It burns in a place inside of him that he can't quite pinpoint , but he wishes he could so he can reach in and yank that stupid wound right out. All he knows is that he should have trusted in the belief that Pidge was way above his station. She's smart, he's a goofball, she's way talented, he's only good at being a joke. This is what happens when a fool shoots too high, Lance thinks.

On the bright side, at least he knows now not to try with Hunk too, especially since Hunk claimed to like some other nameless guy. Two strikes and Lance is out. There's no third try in this town.]

Yeah.

[He should say more, tell her to take all the time she needs because it's the polite thing to do, the considerate option to give her, but the words don't come. The threat of his voice breaking is too real and it's taking enough out of him to start walking away, letting his fingers slip from her loose hold without looking back at her.

Besides, Lance told Maru that if he crashed and burned, the best thing to do would be to leave the house again. Standing in the hallway won't get his bags packed any faster.]

[She's watching him, and she can see the miniscule shifts in his expression. But the thing is, Pidge still can't quite tell what those shifts mean. She's pretty sure his mind is going in a direction that probably isn't correct, but-- how does she fix that? And then he's stepping back, and his fingers slip from hers and it makes her chest tighten and ache at the lost. This- This isn't right. This isn't what she wanted to happen when she asked for her moment to process information. She'd hoped he'd stay right there with her, that he would wait patiently for her to figure out the best way to answer him... but that doesn't seem to be what he's doing. At all.

And it leaves Pidge at a loss. She doesn't know what else to do but watch him start walking away. She hates the way the light's gone out of his eyes, the fact that she somehow caused that and it hurts. There must be something she can say to stop him from taking this whole thing the wrong way, but she can't figure out what it is (Hunk would know, but she's not sure she should go running to him about this right now).

So she just watches him go, long after he's vanished around the corner. She stays rooted to the spot. Lost, and scared she's just accidentally broken one of the most important people in her life.]

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